Veya Hope VanderBrugghen

When life feels crippling, chaotic, and crushing… it’s easy to believe the lie that we are the ones who hold the responsibility to come up with the answers and solutions that are needed. We try to fix the distance in that relationship. We go back and forth on whether we should quit or stay in our job. We fill our calendars attempting to juggle everything in the schedule. We try to make peace and resolve all the family drama. (We try to make the best healthcare decisions for our medically complex child…)   We strategize and plan. We make appointments, attempt conversations, and get out our calendars, but in all our attempts we still feel anxious it might not be the best solution or maybe we have not done enough.  (Proverbs31ministries) Reading Isaiah 26:3 it reminds us, “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” So, while we felt like we were in deep waters the last couple of weeks with Veya and were asked to consider ...

My devotions tonight, fittingly enough… took me to Matthew 14 where Jesus walks on the water and it made me recognize that I’m having a Peter moment. In vs 29-30 Jesus said to Peter “Come”.   So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus.   But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink.” When Peter took his eyes off Jesus and got distracted by fear it caused him to sink and nearly took him under, but Jesus never moved.   He stayed right where he had always been.   Vs. 31 - Peter cried out “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.” Immediately. Immediately Jesus caught him. God knew I needed to be reminded that no matter what’s swirling around me today, He is there ready, willing, and able to help just like he did for Peter.   So, I’m being gentle with myself, pausing and taking a deep breath and refocusing myself back to God when the current circumstances with Veya want to pull me ...

  "For everything there is a season; and a time for every matter under heaven" Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is this quote on God’s timing that I just can’t get enough of lately.   “God is never early, never late, but right on time.” And unfortunately, I can have this microwave mentality (especially as of late) with God where I want everything right now, I don’t want to wait anymore….haven’t we waited long enough.   But God is never early. Why? Because if He just gave us everything whenever we wanted…how would we develop faith and trust and patience?   God’s also never late because He’s not a mean God, He’s not a vengeful God, but He’s right on time.   Proverbs 16:4 reminds me that God made everything with a place and a purpose and in Ecclesiastes 3:1 it says there is an appointed time and season for everything. So, while we continue to be in this season of waiting for answers and what steps to take next with our daughter, we must remain obedient to God, pursue God...

"God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places. Habakkuk 3:19 The last few weeks for Veya had been uneventful, up until this past week.  She remained quite stable at McMaster while we had to wait for a bed spot to open for her at the cardiac ICU in Toronto.  Jer and I were finally able to hold Veya for the first time in the last four weeks of not being able to due to her dialysis cycles.  I got to hold her on my birthday, and it truly was the best gift ever!  As I mentioned in my previous post, we are so thankful to have held her a handful of times before her transfer to Toronto, because unfortunately we are not able to for the time being because Veya is very fragile. Monday February 19 th (Family Day) Veya was transferred to Toronto Sick Kids.   Her transfer brought about relief and yet had us feeling anxious all at the same time with the change that was coming for our family.   Getting her setup an...

“I will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love, because you have seen my affliction; you have known the distress of my soul.”  Psalm 31:7 I can’t tell you how many times I have attempted to come back here, to break the radio silence, and provide an update for you all on Veya. To say it’s been a roller coaster ride is really starting to feel like an understatement, and to be very transparent, this last week alone didn’t feel real. I’m still processing and coming here to write always helps me do that. Before I dive into things with Veya, there are many who have been asking how we are REALLY doing… and for the most part we have been holding up well, but by no means on our own, it’s God who is truly upholding us and all those who keep carrying us in prayer.   However, we are still very much human and wrestle with grief, sadness, questions, guilt from time to time on this journey, and if anything, this week alone proved that. We have been walking this road with Veya and God f...

 "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."  Ephesians 2:10 A few weeks ago we learned that God is taking our family on a new adventure and opening us up to a new community of people that reflect His image. God created our sweet Veya not only with AVSD but also with Down Syndrome, which means she has a third copy of the 21 st chromosome, also known as Trisomy 21 or T21. Life has radically changed but in the most beautiful way.   What I’m learning is that we will change a lot, our perspectives will shift, what is important to us will be made very clear and what is not will quickly fall to the wayside.   That little 6lbs 14oz baby girl that was born 2.5 months ago, has already been helping us see life the way we were always meant to see it but just got clouded along life’s way.   We will learn to love better, Veya’s already been teaching us that.   She’ll love us in su...

"It is the LORD who goes before you.  He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you.  Do not fear or be dismayed."  Deuteronomy 3:18 I must admit, there are days when the fatigue really sets in.   Emotions are high. Sleep is minimal. Normal life demands are still present, and the list goes on.   When I heard the song “Don’t quit” by Jordan Smith the other night, it hit me as deeply relatable. Most of the time I’m doing fine…(we’re doing fine) enjoying our new friends here at the hospital, chatting with our nurses, reading good books, enjoying our visits with Veya (just longing to be able to hold her again) But now after 65 days here it feels like it’s all starting to catch up a bit to us.   Especially because we can’t see a possible end in sight, and neither can Veya’s medical team yet as her health situation remains very complex.   It’s difficult leaving Veya after every visit we have with her and it’s equally as difficult leaving our ot...